the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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