im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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