I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
