You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
