Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
