He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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