i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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