Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
