So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
