he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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