When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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