i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
