If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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