oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You pole danced in your parka.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
So. Much. Porn.
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