he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
