I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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