worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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