I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize