he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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