How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
