I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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