Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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