apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
