i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Help. Why am I so naked?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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