My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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