worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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