ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
