They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We had sex on a dog bed..
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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