Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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