why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
