Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
