I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
