That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
