my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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