Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize