Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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