I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
