This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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