dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
