The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
