I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
