she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
