I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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