his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
