i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
being pregnant is like rehab
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
