My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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