Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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