I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
