I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
