I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
