I wannas sexs uuuuu
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I think im going to throw up on grandma
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
