I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
