I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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