He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
