He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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