maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
