So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
