He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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