There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
