That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm sobbing to NWA
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
