Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
