Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
