You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
