We're facebook friends in real life
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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