I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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