im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
