Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
