you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
