Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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