the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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