he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He uses pillows to masturbate.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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