I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize