Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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