11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
