So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
