Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
