On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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