just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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