Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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