I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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