is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
