My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
