a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
