the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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