if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
